Nostalgia’s Heartache
In this day and age, the world seems the most hostile it’s ever been. Everyone talks about how our doom is near and things will never get better. Cynicism is at its all-time high and conversely, most people yearn to return to simpler times that had less problems. Nostalgia is depicted as a pure and happy emotion; a quick fix for the blues. We’ve all done it: when we’re down or have nothing to look forward to, we fantasize about “the good old days.” It’s just the grass is greener phenomenon in past tense. Nowadays, it’s implicitly encouraged to indulge in nostalgia as a form of pleasure.
Over the past year or so, there have been several bleak moments when I just wanted to give up and curl into a foetal position as resignation from the world. When all you hear is how the world is turning worse and there seems to be no end in sight, you might as well quit. It’s in such situations that nostalgia becomes a seductive drug, a reminder that things weren’t always this way. It’s the inevitability that every good moment you have is impermanent and fleeting which makes people take photos and try to preserve their memories like gold. So, in times like this, when you can’t conceive of anything nice that’s going to happen, nostalgia exists purely to kick you while you’re down. It serves to remind us that our current condition isn’t ideal, and reinforces a sense of insecurity and discontent. It’s just more fuel for your inner voice to hurl at you, making your suboptimal condition seems downright funereal.
Everywhere we go, our past is marketed to us so that we form an emotional connection with products. ‘Do you remember that thing you used to adore? Now pay us extra and get it to inevitably remember why you gave it up in the first place.’ Shows we used to watch, places we used to visit, and even food we used to eat elicit a mix of joy and sadness in us. Pretty apt, as the word nostalgia is derived from the Latin words’ nostos, which means home/homecoming and algos, which means pain or ache. So even the ancients knew that nostalgia hits like a train. If you really try to remember the past as how it was, you’ll hit a roadblock pretty soon. Our minds are masters at suppressing negative emotions and creating a positive image of our past, since that’s where we derive our image and self-esteem from. Otherwise, it would be close to impossible to get up from bed when all we think about is our past failures. We tend to look back with rose-tinted glasses, airbrushing the warts and polishing the good bits, no matter how fleeting they were. Even though ego is seen as a negative mental construct, without it we would have no idea about our fears and desires, and what drives us forward. That’s basically what nostalgia is, food for our ego. It can be insidious, because your current life can feel disappointing and wasted. And the easiest way to outsource responsibility for that is to play the blame game. Turning the anger outwards makes us feel helpless and angry at the world, as if we are somehow magically selected to have a bad day. Again, this just serves to feed the ego, except in a twisted way this time. ‘Woe is me’ is the new normal, and if everyone just did what they were supposed to do, my life would be perfect. Did you see how ridiculous that sounded? But that’s exactly what our inner monologue is telling us in our darkest moments.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that we should burn all our photos and never talk about the past, but everything has a healthy limit. In moderation, nostalgia serves to remind us who we are and why we’re here, helping us derive the meaning of our individual lives. Studies have shown that remembering happy moments can help deal with trauma in a holistic manner. In reality, nostalgia is one of the key drivers of hope for a better life. However, the rise in and sheer volume of nostalgia in recent years is cause for concern, because it shows how we as a society use nostalgia as a comfort zone. It should probably be called a comfort pit, because all it does is make us averse to change, whether good or bad. Uncertainty is the mother of revolution. Only a complete change in the way we think which leads to our personal growth. Instead, we try to dig in our heels and rebel against change as if that will somehow turn back the clock and make everything alright again. Memories are beautiful, but if we live in our memories rather than in the present, it’s as if we died along with them. The notion that now will never measure up to the glory of before, cripples our drive and initiative. It can even reach a dire state where you can’t enjoy yourself in the moment as you know it is impermanent. This is a problem that compounds over time, since the older you get, the more memories you have to reflect on and crave for. Instead of being a gift, life becomes a burden that drags on mindlessly.
Until now, this article has been a bit of a downer, but there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Instead of overthinking your entire life and its meaning, and being trapped in a loop of self-hatred, try to take life one day at a time. Cherishing the present moment with complete mindfulness will help ground yourself in reality. Change negative aspects of your life that you have control over, or frame them in a positive light if you don’t. Changing your perspective will transform your life. Truly accepting who you are wholeheartedly gives you lasting happiness, unlike the short-lived high nostalgia leaves you on. This doesn’t happen overnight however; it takes purposeful introspection to understand why you think the way you do and what can you do to change. But it’s much better than languishing in sadness about a bygone era which is unproductive, not to mention irrational.
Memories are beautiful, but if we live in our memories rather than in the present, it’s as if we died along with them. If your demons are tormenting you to a breaking point, take sanctuary in your well-wishers or even skilled aid. Relying on your memories to get you out of a rut is a double-edged sword. Soon, you’d just be sadder than ever. If you are uncomfortable with your present situation, it’s a good sign as it signals you to make changes to your life. Try to leave your memories where you found it- in the past. This moment is unlike any you had before, make the best of it and you will never be sorry. Nostalgia is like ice-cream in the night; it tastes great, but too much of it hurts.
